Battling with Innnerchild

Healing My Inner child to Restore Self-Love

Self Help- Body mind Spirit- Psychology

Date Published: 9/29/20

Do you have a yearning to be the best version of yourself, but struggle to connect with your inner child? If you answered yes, perhaps I can help. I am Reyhan Toplu, and once upon a time, I was just like you. My journey will help inspire you to reconnect with yourself. 

We’ve all heard the cliché, “don’t lose sight of the child within”, but how do we hold onto them in a world of negativity? How do we preserve our love and innocence in a world seemingly intent on grinding us down? The time is right for us to rediscover our inner peace and self-love.

Too many of us think of our inner child as someone to fight against, rather than embrace. The victim of embarrassment, trauma, and for some of us, suffering, we’re all too willing to fight against the worst of what our inner child could be, rather than realizing the potential for growth, love, and happiness. This book is all about a journey to reconnect with my inner child, a book of ideas to help you on your own journey to finding peace and happiness. Our journeys may not be the same, but I hope my story can help guide you to finding your own contentment.

Journey with me, Reyhan Toplu, as we explore the hidden truths of your inner child on a quest for health and happiness that comes from within. 


 Read an Excerpt



“The wound is the place where the light
enters you.”  

- Rumi 



hat is a paradigm? What is the inner child? There are many words in psychology. Paradigm is one of them. The basic definition is: it is the imaginary lens through which the mind perceives everything and how we see the world. Another way to say is it is your perception and acts according to mind orders. Think of it as a pair of sunglasses through which we see the world. It is a mindset or programming that has control over all habitual behaviors. A paradigm is set up in our minds and we see things via our experience. Many label this as the shadow side, dark side, inner child, or id. 

A paradigm has huge influence over perception, the use of time, creativity, effectiveness, logic, productivity, ability to earn money, relationships, all aspects of our lives. When you shift your perception, you unveil yourself from what is outward. The way of doing this is to unlearn, relearn and transform. Where is our paradigm stored? It is a vital question for you because all of our paradigm storage is in our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is a part of our mind which is shaped by feelings and emotions. 

The inner child is part of the mind (subconscious) being affected while you are a child between conception to 8 years of age. The root is right in the center of your mind. This not the same for everyone. I have noticed that children are particularly affected. Because kid’s sensitivity develops quicker than their cognitive reasoning, and then something happens in these formative years with their cognitive reasoning and understanding, their thinking, where one event or a series of events happen between that age gap and creates a strong emotional feeling – a really really overwhelming feeling which traumatizes them. In their logic, catching up with their emotions, triggers very strong emotional reactions. This child is experiencing the feeling but does not have the cognitive reasoning, the thought power, understanding and the knowledge to deal with that feeling. So they are in this position where they going to be believe in their emotions but they do not know how to deal with it. I could say that is the birth of the inner child.  

It is a part of your mind that is blocked or stuck in this very important stage. That very part of your mind can not act in a certain way. Every human has those parts of their minds. I can hear you while you say: It must be me! Something is wrong with me! And the child has to deal with this tsunami in his/her mind. And the child vows this for the rest of his/her life. The child believes that vow deeply in his/her core from then on. Even as the child grows right to 60, 70, 80 years of age, he/she believes that because it is still planted in his/her mind. It is frozen and locked in so the inner child sees the world through these spectacles and accepts all these events or experiences he/she held in his/her mind from an immature stage. You act immaturely and you say things that are not true. It is like having somebody there talking in your head. This is how it feels for many. İt is your mind, but it is not mature. 

Just to give an example to visually understand, imagine you are in a beautiful garden full of flowers, birds, bees and butterflies. Everything is healthy, grooving in harmony, and there is a little patch in the corner, with rubbish and bins. Although seeds lay beneath, they have not germinated because you have to clear all the rubbish away, water the ground, and then the seed will germinate. That is exactly what you have to do in your mind. 

Whatever it is called, paradigm or inner child, it is all the same. It is important to ask yourself three questions and speak with your paradigm communication. Ask your inner child what would you like to tell me or what you want. That child suddenly does not know what to say. The inner child will be shocked suddenly. This may be because you need space to talk freely because you may be judged, blamed, abandoned, etc. Communicate genuinely with your inner child in such a way like nurturing your own child. Create space, give time, stop embarrassing, criticizing, being judgmental and comparing your inner child. 

Some people misunderstand the inner child. Just because you had your basic needs met as a child, like a roof over your head and food on the table, it does not mean you did not experience early childhood trauma! When I started my inner child healing journey, I asked myself what is that inner child. I could not identify the child within me. I had internal knowledge that a part of me was traumatized and hiding herself from surroundings due to not feeling safe physically and spiritually. 

In me, in you and in everyone around you, there is a little child in pain and suffering. There are good times and challenging times. We all experienced those difficulties and most of us experience different levels of traumas in our unique circumstances. This does not mean a small or large amount. When you are in a downswing as a child, you do not know the swing changes to get better. In order to be cognizant of this, you need to use higher mental faculties or laws, but due to the lack of knowledge, experience and surroundings that little child has no ability to manage and ease those traumas. In order to protect and shield ourselves, we try to forget and suppress our subconscious mind from those events, moments or painful times. As a result, we may not be aware of our inner paradigm or inner child even for decades. 

The fact that we may ignore or deny and suppress our inner child and send him/her to our rabbit hole (subconscious mind) does not mean the little one is not there. The wounded child is always there, seeking expression and trying to get your attention. While we have many a-ha moments, they are feelings coming to the surface, showing up in our entire life and manifesting as dysfunctional behaviors, habits and experiences. Because that inner child wants to express “See me please! I am here! Help me! Help me! You cannot run away from me.” While we hear those inner voices, we want to end our suffering and we try to send the inner child deeper inside as far as possible. It is a pity trying to avoid or run from trauma because it does not help us or end our suffering. We are sending our inner child to the subconscious mind to be frozen not for healing. 

The wounded child asks for healing, love and care; but what do we do for that? Do not think of the answer easy. I will tell you now. We do the opposite. We run as much as possible because we do not want more suffering; we are afraid of it. The suffering we experience not only belongs to a moment, but multiple events, and experiences. It can be in any form and does not matter how big or small. It is relative. Those traumas: blocks of pain and suffering in us feels overwhelming. We are not at a certain level of awareness to change our paradigm in that moment. We try to occupy and entertain ourselves within the illusion of our world. That illusion captures us with watching TV. Using the phone, socializing, sex, or using drugs or alcohol. Why all of those? Why do we try those things when we truly we do not want to? Because we do not want to feel that suffering all over again. 

The main point here is ignorance because we even do not know the inner child is there. This part of us is reality and in us. Our paradigm is ignorance; the solution is understanding because the ability to see things the way they are, without that lens is freedom for the inner child. But ignorance is inside of each cell of us and our consciousness. This is a like a drop of poison passing throughout our body – organs and consciousness. Ignorance stops us from seeing the source and reality. While we are in that state, we are in an illusion. It gives us pride, false ego, convincing us to make foolish decisions, and it causes even more suffering. The cycle repeats and we go in deeper, closing ourselves from the outside. But in that state, we think there is something wrong with the outside, not the inside of us. Then we try to force to change jobs, relationships, the place we are living, etc. Of course, they may need to change as well, but my point is if change happens in you when your paradigm shifts, your entire life will be changed. You will see everything in a harmonious way. We do not need to go seeking the cause of our suffering outside or far away because it is lying inside of us right now at this moment. The one thing we need to do is look deeply and we can be in touch with that child. How do we touch that child? Everything starts with a thought and that is a seed you need to plant inside of yourself in order to shift and heal your inner child/paradigm. Because our mind is the true source of infinite power and the example of Gandhi has shown that a single individual’s strong belief can move whole nations. 

When we become aware of a wounded child within us, we feel great compassion for that child and we begin to generate the energy of mindfulness. Because the seed of awakened understanding that supreme intelligence, and happiness is inside of us, we need to turn our spiritual essence. We have a supreme power with which we can communicate and create our reality. We are spiritual beings experiencing a human experience in a human body. So when we came into this incarnation, we forgot why we came here and what powers we are holding. We forgot how to use our higher mental faculties and abilities and then we let the illusion of existence capture us and manifest itself in different forms and names. 

One of the main reasons we avoid our inner child is because we are afraid of suffering. This is the subconscious mind where our illusions, programing, paradigm and illusionary beliefs are stored. The mind is a separate self because we suffer from discrimination and delusion. Turn and look at all creatures, animals and every being around you. All have been in their habitat living in harmony. The only creatures living without harmony is human beings and they are living separated from their source. The reason is only human beings have the ability to create their own reality. 



About the Author

Reyhan Toplu is a holistic healing and mindfulness practitioner, scholar, yogini, and author who offers her blending lifetime skills and knowledge with holistic; body mind spirit approach. Reyhan focuses on the multidimensional needs of individual. Recognizing a need for greater spiritual awareness in society, Reyhan has devoted her life on especially inner child healing, self-love, teaching mindfulness and helping people in all age groups who need to discover and develop their creative power of self-healing and personal growth. She also has integrated her accredited yoga, meditation, reiki, shamanic healing and other healing practices into her private healing & therapy work and public course offerings. And she is also writing her next book “Mindful Compassion for Suffering".

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